


His Captain

by weebeanie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Bones is the only sane one here, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Space Opera, aliens nearly make them do it, bagpipes, everyone loves Kirk, lyre, spock does not appreciate this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-28 03:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weebeanie/pseuds/weebeanie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for prompt:  While visiting a newly discovered planet and making nice with the locals, Kirk is given a potion which will make anyone fall in love with him... Spock is not impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No one expects James Tiberius Kirk...

Incredible as it may seem, there were times when Commander Spock found Starfleet Regulations to be highly unsatisfactory.

In his former role as an exemplary student of, then a distinguished professor at Starfleet Academy and in his current role as CSO and First Officer of The Enterprise, Commander Spock was honor bound to follow regulation. He had of course memorised the entire code at the earliest opportunity. His eidetic memory uniquely qualified him to advise the crew and captain of potential breaches of regulation. 

Over the past 17.3 months Spock had reached the conclusion that Starfleet Regulation was ill-equipped to deal with the reality of Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

Grudgingly Spock could allow that the founders of Starfleet could not logically have been expected to anticipate the future existence of James T. Kirk and his unerring ability to encounter life-threatening situations. In practice however he found himself unsatisfied with the regulations which hampered his ability to protect _his_ captain. 

Spock chose not to identify at exactly which point since the beginning of their five year mission he had begun to consider James T Kirk as _his_. Instead he accepted the irrefutable logic that it was his responsibility to safeguard the safety and wellbeing of his captain. 

This duty would be undeniably easier to accomplish if Captain Kirk were not so adept at discovering the proverbial needle of trouble in the haystack of the universe. The human possessed a remarkable ability to attract trouble in any situation. As a Vulcan Spock was adept at calculating all possible permutations and outcomes in any situation. In the past 17.3 months he had discovered that the presence of his Captain inevitably increased the likelihood of the most bizarre scenarios becoming reality.   
  
The events of the previous 48 hours were a case in point.

The mission was one Jim would term a ‘milk run’ as they were merely escorting a group of Starfleet Diplomats to an outwardly peaceful planet which had responded positively to overtures from the Federation. Prior experience of such missions prompted Commander Spock to accompany his Captain to the surface, the bridge crew were on high alert and Spock was aware that Dr McCoy was somewhat pessimistically prepared for any medical emergency. Spock preferred not to dwell on the fact that the good doctor apparently kept a biobed constantly available in the expectation that it would be occupied by either the Captain or himself. Such medical protocol was unfortunately logical when one considered it had been required on 22 previous occasions.

The planet had existed in peace for several generations yet Jim had managed to beam into the midst of a presidential assassination attempt. The Enterprise landing party had quickly succeeded in preventing the attack without sustaining any casualties. Most remarkably of all, his Captain had not suffered any personal injury. The Enterprise had been invited to extend their stay to join with the impromptu festivities which had sprung up in their honor. Spock had therefore categorised the planet among the 32.4% of planets whose population was inclined to worship his Captain.

In retrospect it had been unwise to lower his guard.

But how could a half-Vulcan be expected to anticipate the possibilities of that most illogical of Terran holidays - St Valentine’s Day? 

 


	2. The most illogical of holidays

Despite a childhood spent with a human mother and his years living among humans first at Starfleet and now on the Enterprise, Spock still found many aspects of human behaviour puzzling. Admittedly he understood more Terran idioms than he was willing to acknowledge. He found an illogical (and decidedly un-Vulcan) satisfaction in interpreting such language literally. Jim’s amusement and McCoy’s frustration being amongst the most predictable (and satisfying) of reactions. The complexities of human emotions and social relationships however, especially those of a romantic nature, continued to elude him. 

The festival of St Valentine’s Day seemed to prompt simultaneous and yet highly contradictory emotions in humans which left Spock puzzled. His childhood had not provided him with any information regarding this phenomenon; the festival of St Valentine’s inevitably coinciding with an event of personal importance to his parents which necessitated private retreat from society for 24 Terran hours while Spock was required to visit relatives. His experience of St Valentine’s Day at Starfleet inevitably involved giggling female students leaving unusually decorated missives related to the aesthetic appeal of his physical appearance and highly inappropriate offerings of intoxicating substances. Spock had therefore surmised that St Valentine’s Day was an unusual form of advertising for the chocolate industry. 

During his first St Valentine’s Day aboard the Enterprise Nyota had attempted to correct his understanding. However, despite her customary excellence in communications, Nyota’s conflicted explanation had left Spock with the vague impression that St Valentine’s Day was a celebration for Human lovers which honored love and friendship yet unfortunately promoted promiscuity and was somehow misogynistic. He was further bemused at Nyota’s disgruntled reaction to his decision to avoid attempting to join with the festivities when she had specifically insisted that she did not wish to participate. His Captain had helpfully explained that when a woman you are in a relationship with says she doesn’t need a Valentine’s gift, she means she’s planning to be ‘surprised’ and thrilled when you get her the perfect gift. This merely reinforced Spock’s belief in the inherently illogical nature of humans and had been among the first indications that he and Nyota were unsuited to a romantic relationship. Thankfully they had reached that conclusion in time to maintain their previous close friendship.

The Enterprise crew had been thrilled to merge their celebration of St Valentine’s Day with the festivities on the planet. A joyful atmosphere permeated the ship and planet. Spock had personally observed crewmembers behaving in an inappropriately intimate fashion. 

His Captain was seemingly at the centre of festivities though Spock observed that he maintained a distance appropriate to his position. More often than not he gravitated to his First Officer’s side having offered himself to Spock as a Valentine’s ‘Guide and Protector’. Spock raised eyebrow at the suggestion that he required protection was greeted with a brilliant smile and bright blue eyes lit with mischief. Spock determined he would be wise to accept his Captain’s offer as in 34.2% of situations on various planets Jim’s aesthetically pleasing eyes and smile had prompted various seduction and/or abduction attempts...

On this occasion Spock’s diligence proved unnecessary as the day passed without incident. The planet’s citizens adored Captain Kirk in a worshipful, respectful fashion. Dr McCoy remarked on the novelty of a mission without “Jim getting himself injured, kidnapped or tied naked to an altar.” The evening ended with Captain Kirk receiving various gifts. The final offering was a drink traditional to the natives which Jim was advised to share with ‘one he cared for’.

On their return to the Enterprise Jim had insisted on sharing his gifts among his senior crew including the traditional drink which appeared to be a form of fruit wine. His Captain’s gaze had been intense and yet somehow hesitant as he offered the first glass to Spock before grinning and handing out glasses to the rest of his senior crew. Only Dr McCoy refused the wine in preference of his usual beverage. The CMO proceeded to enlighten them to all the possible medical side effects of drinking unknown alien substances.

In retrospect, Spock had to admit that McCoy’s argument had significant merit... 


	3. Scotty comes a-courtin'

Spock considered himself a logical being.

Indeed if he were not Vulcan and therefore immune to emotions such as pride he would take pride in his ability to follow the logical path in all situations.

It was therefore a source of some distress to consider his actions of the previous 12 hours.

He had become aware of the first strange occurrence approximately 43.5 minutes after retiring for the evening when his Captain had unexpectedly summoned him to his quarters. Jim had been unable or unwilling to explain the reason for his request but the note of choked laughter in his voice had gone some way to reassuring Spock that the situation was not grave.

Arriving outside his Captain’s cabin Spock was greeted with the unlikely sight of the ship’s chief engineer in the act of serenading Jim with what Spock assumed was some form of Terran musical instrument. It resembled a bag crafted from patterned material with several wooden pipes attached, one of which Mr Scott was blowing into with enthusiasm while his hands manipulated the others. The music (Spock assumed it was intended as music) was a series of high-pitched shrieks which brought to mind the Terran felines Spock had encountered on Earth. He briefly considered the remote possibility (5.67%) that Mr Scott’s pet tribble had become trapped in the bag and that he was witnessing a bizarre rescue attempt.

Spock met his Captain’s gaze in bemusement. Jim’s eyes were lit with merriment and he was clearly struggling to avoid outright laughter. Spock took advantage of a momentary pause to question Mr Scott.

“Commander Scott. May I enquire what your purpose is in this performance?”

The chief engineer beamed innocently, “Aye of course Commander. I’m courtin’ the Captain.”

A disbelieving snort signalled Dr McCoy’s arrival on the scene. “You’re _courting_ Jim?”

“Aye!”

The enthusiastic confirmation was too much for Jim who attempted to cover his burst of laughter with a feigned coughing fit. Mr Scott’s adoring gaze instantly switched to concern. “Are you alright, laddie? You’ll need to be taking better care of yourself in the future. I’ll be wantin’ ya fit and healthy.” This naturally prompted further hysteria in the Captain.

Dr McCoy having apparently also developed a debilitating cough, Spock was forced to intervene.

“Mr Scott. What prompted your decision to... court the Captain?”

Wide, guileless eyes turned to Spock. “I love him.”

Spock reflexively curled his hands into fists behind his back. Despite the unexpected tide of emotion assailing him his voice was calm as he replied. “Indeed. How long have you held amorous feelings towards my... towards the Captain?” Spock was appalled at his lapse in control, thankfully Jim and Dr McCoy were fully occupied with their struggle to compose themselves.

“I dinna know? A few hours?” Mr Scott swung his attention back to Jim. “Did ya like ma pipes?”

Having recovered from his coughing fit Jim smiled sweetly at his suitor. “Of course Scotty. That was wonderful. Would you mind doing something else for me?”

“Anything!”

“Bones needs help with some malfunctioning equipment. Don’t you Bones?”

McCoy nodded vigorously as he reached for Mr Scott. “Yes, yes. I’m a doctor not an engineer. You come along with me Scotty, and we’ll get you...get it fixed in no time at all.”

The engineer allowed himself to be towed along to the infirmary despite throwing occasional longing glances back at the Captain.

Jim grinned. “I forsee a hangover remedy in Scotty’s future. I’ve never seen him so drunk! He is never going to live this down. Can you believe it?”

“His actions are certainly uncharacteristic.” Spock struggled to hide his illogical response to Scott’s inebriation. He swallowed the compulsion to state that Scott had no right to approach **his** Captain in such a manner. “I should return to my meditation. Goodnight Captain.”

“Night, Spock.”

Spock pulled away reluctantly from the warm blue gaze and headed towards his quarters.

Before he reached the end of the corridor he halted at Jim’s call and turned to see Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov approaching the Captain’s cabin in a state of undress. Both men were shirtless and barefoot and greeted Jim with besotted smiles.

Spock clenched his fists and unconsciously gritted his teeth as he turned to stalk back to his Captain’s side...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a child I found the sound of bagpipes a torture on the ears. As an adult living away from home I get all nostalgic when I stumble across someone playing the bagpipes.


	4. Boys and girls come out to play

Spock was unfortunately conscious that Starfleet Regulations prohibited him from dealing _appropriately_ with individuals attempting the seduction of his Captain. Compiling a mental list of satisfactory means of retribution assisted Spock in maintaining outward composure as he approached the scene. 

“Captain you will allow me to handle this situation.” Stepping in front of Jim, he turned to face Sulu and Chekov and permitted his irritation to show on his face. “Lieutenant... Ensign... Kindly explain your reasons for accosting the Captain in your current state of attire.” 

Lieutenant Sulu’s answering grin was disturbingly licentious. “We’ve been having a private party...”

“For Saint Walentine’s day. Is traditional Russian celebration!”

Sulu exchanged a sultry look with his younger crewmate before explaining earnestly. 

“But then we realised we couldn’t really enjoy ourselves unless the Captain was there too.”

Chekov nodded vigorously in agreement, dark curls bouncing merrily. 

“Da. We need the Keptin.”

Sulu reached out to capture a soft curl between his fingers and tugged gently before sliding his hand through the tangled mass to rest on Chekov’s shoulder. The younger man sighed and leaned into the embrace as they both gazed hopefully at Spock.

“Can Jim come out to play?”

Through the haze of fury that was threatening to overwhelm him, Spock was distantly aware that Jim had contacted Dr McCoy and was explaining the situation to him in soft tones.

“ _My_ Captain is not available to engage in recreational activities. You will remove yourselves from this location and report to Dr McCoy _immediately_ or I will be forced to take action.” 

Both men stepped quickly backwards, Sulu pulling Chekov aside for a muttered conference. Aware that he was perilously close to completely abandoning logic in favour of more violent methods of persuasion, Spock chose not to monitor their conversation. He instead focussed his attention on preventing access to his Captain who was now pacing the cabin restlessly. 

“Um, Spock? Maybe I should speak with them.” 

“Negative.”

“But, I could...”

Spock turned to glare at his Captain. “No!”

Jim raised his hands in a gesture of submission. “Okay, okay. My bad. I’ll stay right here... I promise.” 

Somewhat mollified, Spock resumed his defensive stance and glowered fiercely at the half-naked humans. He was relieved as he observed Dr McCoy’s arrival. The CMO’s disgruntled expression was belied by eyes which displayed what Spock considered to be a highly inappropriate levity. 

“Dammit, Jim. How did I miss my orgy invite? Don’t you love me anymore?” 

Ignoring Jim’s renewed laughter, Spock fought an instinctively aggressive response and reminded himself that the doctor was human and therefore prone to illogical attempts at ‘humor’. “Dr McCoy, I believe these men to be in urgent need of medical treatment.”

McCoy glanced briefly at the crewmen then swept a calculating gaze over Spock, taking in the flushed cheeks, rigid stance and turbulent eyes. “It looks like I arrived just in time to prevent bloodshed.”

“We just wanted to invite Jim to our party.” Sulu protested.

“Da. But he is busy with the Kommander. He is most dedicated Keptin.” Jim flushed at the young Russian’s adoring gaze and open hero-worship. 

“But we haf solution.” Chekov beamed engagingly. “We wish that Kommander Spock will join us too. Then the Keptin will be happy.”

Sulu nodded in agreement. “We only want Jim to be happy.” 

Spock growled in outrage at these brazen humans who had the presumption to assume responsibility for _his_ Captain’s happiness. His step forward to retaliate was halted by a cool hand gripping his own and the fast reflexes of Dr McCoy who inserted himself between Spock and his prey. 

“That’s an excellent idea.” McCoy ignored the growling half-Vulcan behind him and smiled reassuringly. “But you know I can’t let you... _play_ together without a full medical work-up. Jimmy’s such a delicate flower, he could react to any little germ that wouldn’t have an effect on you two strong, healthy boys. You wouldn’t want to make him ill would you?” 

Jim rolled his eyes at McCoy’s gleeful sarcasm but Sulu and Chekov instantly agreed that the Captain’s heath was most important. They trailed after McCoy willingly, leaving Spock and Jim alone... 

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

Spock couldn’t bring himself to gather the tattered remains of his control as he met his Captain’s gaze. His awareness of his surroundings shrank to unfathomable blue eyes and the wondrous sensations induced by the strong fingers interlacing his own. The unfamiliar intensity assaulted his already frayed mental shields, his eyes closing even as he prepared to surrender to the desire engulfing him. 

He growled in impatience as a shocked cry shattered the sensual haze surrounding him.

“Spock... _Spock_!” 

Spock’s eyes shot open to perceive Lieutenant Uhura standing before them. 

Mercifully Nyota was adequately attired and did not appear to be in possession of any form of musical instrument. 

In fact Lieutenant Uhura seemed merely bewildered to have discovered her superiors in an unguarded moment of intimacy. Jim’s groan was heartfelt as, after a final squeeze, he reluctantly released Spock’s hand. 

Nyota scowled as she demanded an explanation. “What the _hell_ is going on here?” 

“It’s not what it looks like Uhura. Honestly, Spock was just... I mean we were...”

The Lieutenant ignored Spock completely as she flashed Jim a brilliant smile and reached out to stroke his face tenderly. At another time Spock might have found Jim’s disbelieving expression highly amusing. That is if it were not aimed at the female currently draping herself shamelessly over his Captain. 

“I wasn’t blaming _you_ Jim.” She murmured soothingly as she reached to frame his face with her hands. “I know you don’t encourage everyone to pursue you. You can’t help being irresistible.” Her voice lowered to a sultry purr. “And don’t you think it’s time you called me Nyota?” 

Spock repeated the inner mantra that Lieutenant Uhura was an exemplary officer, a worthy friend and _obviously_ suffering from some form of mental collapse. Despite his current aggravation Spock would doubtless regret it if he followed his instinct to pull her from his Captain’s arms and hurl her out the nearest airlock. 

Jim attempted to reason with the befuddled Lieutenant. “You don’t really want to do this Uhura.” This provoked her into pouting sulkily and Jim corrected himself quickly. “I mean _Nyota_... You don’t want _me_ , Nyota. Hell, you don’t even like me that much.” 

Nyota shrugged. “I know it’s unexpected. I respected you as a Captain and I’d trust you with my life. But up until a few hours ago I’d have said any woman who risked an _intimate_ relationship with you was certifiable.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “No arguments here.” 

Nyota’s eyes darkened as she whispered breathlessly. “Then I just _knew_ we were meant to be together. I know you feel it too. Why should we fight it?” 

Jim glanced helplessly at Spock who was considering and reluctantly discarding possible options for removal of Nyota’s person from his Captain and preferably from the ship. He had just calculated the nearest appropriate planet on which the senior crew could be isolated on until they had recovered from their delusions when they were summoned by Dr McCoy. 

“This is McCoy. Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura are to report to me immediately.”

Jim almost collapsed in relief as he replied. “Oh thank God. We’ll be right there Bones.” 

The journey was not particularly pleasant for Spock who was forced to contain his fury at Nyota’s insistence in walking hand-in-hand with the Captain and maintaining a stream of inconsequential conversation interspersed with high pitched laughter. If this was Nyota’s normal behaviour when attracted to a human male he could only be grateful that she had sought to emulate his Vulcan serenity during their short-lived relationship. 

Spock’s relief was intense as they arrived at the infirmary and Nurse Chapel persuaded a reluctant Uhura to join the other crew members undergoing assessment. 

He was therefore quite unprepared for the shock of Dr McCoy’s greeting after he ushered Spock and Jim into his office. The doctor was uncharacteristically cheerful as he turned to the Captain.

“So, Jim. Care to tell me why you dosed your senior crew with a love potion?”

Jim sank into a chair and dropped his head into his hands. “ _Fuck my life_.” 


	5. This could only happen to James T Kirk

Jim Kirk lifted his head and flashed a weak grin at the two men regarding him with suspicion. “Oh _come on_. You can’t seriously believe I _meant_ for this to happen! How was I supposed to know it was a love potion? And what kind of planet gives out love potions to visitors anyway? It should have a warning label!”

Doctor McCoy eyed the Captain dubiously. “They didn’t tell you anything about it?”

Jim shifted in his chair restlessly and averted his gaze. “No. Well... _Maybe_? There was something about the joy of true friends coming together and true friendship being a gift from the Goddess or _to_ the Goddess..." His voice trailed off until he reluctantly admitted. "I wasn’t really listening.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “You weren’t listening to the random alien explaining the mystery drink they offered you. Why am I even surprised?”  
  
Spock ignored the doctor's customary sarcasm as Jim's explanation continued to fuel the rage burning within him.

The Captain appeared momentarily agitated before bursting out defensively. “I was too busy watching out for Spock!”

Spock managed to control the unwanted emotions surging within him and merely raise an eyebrow in inquiry. “Indeed?I was unaware I had been placed in peril whilst attending the festivities. Do enlighten me Captain.”

Jim turned to face Spock and explained earnestly. “Not _peril_. It’s just... there were so damn touchy feely. They kept hugging and stroking everyone. I tried to explain that they shouldn’t touch _you_ but they kept smiling and nodding at me. I needed... I _know_ Vulcans don’t like to be touched so I had to make sure no-one bothered you.”  
  
His Captain's impossibly blue eyes seemed to be begging Spock to understand and Spock found himself captivated by the imploring gaze. He was struggling to remember the logical reasons why he should be displeased with his Captain when Doctor McCoy's drawl cut into his reverie.

“It’s positively sweet how you dote on your First Officer Jim. _Maybe_ if you were as careful with the rest of your crew they wouldn’t be cluttering up my sickbay like a litter of lovesick puppies.”

Jim straightened in sudden alarm. “They are going to be alright aren’t they, Bones? It can’t last for long surely!”

McCoy quickly dismissed Jim’s worries. “Relax, Jim. I’ve identified the active ingredients and there’s nothin’ that could cause permanent damage. We should have it flushed out of their systems in a matter of hours. Til’ then they’ll be happy as clams.” His face lit up in a grin of pure mischief. “They’ll be comparin’ notes about how _adorable_ you are and how much they _love_ you.”

The Doctor’s good-humor grated on Spock as renewed fury within him built at the reminder of those who had dared to approach _his_ Captain.

Jim apparently did not share in his friend’s amusement. His groan was anguished as his head dropped back into his hands. “I am so, so, _entirely_ screwed.”

The Captain’s distress appeared to delight McCoy who cheerfully offered further information. “Scotty and Uhura are working on a love song together. The bagpipes and lyre do make an interesting combination don’t they? Oh and Sulu and Chekov have been composin’ an epic poem in your honour. We could hold a concert!”

Jim shot his CMO an accusing glare. “Should you be enjoying this so much, Bones? What happened to your Hippocratic Oath?”

McCoy was unruffled and chuckled unrepentantly. “Now, Jim. You know I take my responsibilities as a physician seriously. My priority is ensuring they are fully recovered physically. If after that I can find a little _humor_ in the situation, well, I am only human.”

“Certainly only a human could find any humor in this situation Doctor.”

Spock’s biting retort caused both men to jump as if they had forgotten his presence.

Spock clamped down on his internal turmoil and turned to demand of the doctor. “As you judge the drug to have no long-lasting effects and indeed I personally appear to be immune, I trust my continued presence here is not required. I intend to return to my meditation immediately.”

McCoy attempted to intervene. “Now, Spock. We don’t know that you’re immune. I should run tests...”

Spock refused to even glance at Jim as he replied. “I assure you, Doctor, I do not find myself overwhelmed with _affection_ for the Captain at this time. I certainly do not intend to join in the composition of sonnets or sonatas.”

Without waiting for a reply Spock strode out of the room and headed towards his cabin. He barely registered the curious looks he drew as he stalked the corridors, so focussed was he on maintaining his control until he reached privacy.

He would overcome this illogical, human emotion.

He _would_...


	6. Everyone should listen to Bones... always

"Have you lost your mind?" 

And if there was ever a phrase that he needed to get printed or stitched on a sampler to hang on his wall this was it. 

Welcome to Dr McCoy’s office. Have you _lost_ your _mind_?

It was entirely appropriate for 75% of crew injuries on The Enterprise. 

But for once Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy’s customary demand was unusually cheerful. This whole crazy situation was just too fucking funny. 

Captain Kirk slouched in his chair and rolled his eyes. _“Of course_ I haven’t lo…” Jim bolted upright and gestured wildly. “I haven’t _realised_ that my mind was affected too. You should lock me up for my… for _the ship’s_ safety.”

“Be serious Jim.”

“This _is_ serious. I’m obviously compromised. I should be removed from duty and placed on bed rest.” 

Luckily years of friendship had provided Bones with (almost complete) immunity to the ‘Puppy Dog’ eyes. “Well sure. You can have the empty bed between Uhura and Scotty.”

Bones grinned at Jim’s shudder as they both pictured the infirmary where Uhura and Scott were recuperating along with Sulu and Chekov. At last check all were recovering steadily and cheerfully occupied. Nyota and Scotty were composing a tragic opera for Lyre and Bagpipe while Hiraku and Pavel had been busy writing an epic love poem. 

Jim closed his eyes and counted to ten under his breath before trying his best ‘I am Captain, You will fear and obey me’ look. Yeah... _That_ could still do with some work.

“Doctor McCoy. I’m appalled at your disregard for cross-infection. I’m obviously patient zero. I should totally be held in isolation. With _no_ visitors!” 

“I’m a Doctor Jim, not a bodyguard. If you want to hide out from your First Officer you’re gonna have to bunk in with everyone else.” 

Jim neatly side stepped the issue of the pissed-off Vulcan currently stalking the decks of the ship. 

“Hey, I _am_ the Captain, shouldn’t there be some perks?” 

“Kid you dosed your senior crew with a love potion. I really don’t think you should be looking for any more perks at this point.”

Only Jim Kirk could wind up getting a love potion as a gift from a grateful planet. Thankfully the effects were more embarrassing than dangerous as it lacked an active aphrodisiac. Between them Jim and Bones had somehow managed to prevent Spock from perpetuating any bodily harm while he determinedly defended his captain’s virtue from a besotted crew.

Given a few hours they’d be back to normal. The tragic space opera ‘Tiberius’ and epic poem ‘Oh Captain, Our Captain!’ would be the only evidence left of their worshipful wooing of their Captain – apart from the security vids Bones had  appropriated. 

Bones hadn’t laughed til’ he cried like this in years so he was determined to enjoy the situation to the fullest. All of his patients were recovering. No-one was in any danger. Well no danger until they finally came to their senses and found out Jim had served them spiked wine. 

Jim smirked weakly. “Oh come on, it’s not like it was deliberate.”

“Damn well better not have been. My tender feelings might be bruised that you left me out. How could you plan an orgy without inviting your best friend?”

That earned him a cocky grin. “Aw Bones, you know you’re my own true love. My unrequited passion has obviously driven me to madness. You need to take some responsibility!”

 _More_ responsibility. That’s _just_ what he needed. The job of keeping Jim alive, mostly intact and moderately stable was going to drive him to an early grave. Either that or he’d live forever. If he could survive life on the Enterprise nothing could kill him. 

Still, he was looking forward to turning over some Jim-watching duties to Spock. That’s if either of them _ever_ managed to make a move. They’d somehow managed to take being oblivious to previously unrecorded levels of stupid.

How the hell was it even possible for them to be pining for each simultaneously? 

Maybe Jim just needed some gentle encouragement from his best friend.

“Funny thing Jimmy, I thought your tastes ran more to pointy eared hobgoblins.”

Jim shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s _nothing_ going on between me and Spock.  Maybe we should be talking about _your_ mental health, Bones. You’re obviously imagining things.”

"You keep telling yourself that Jim. God knows I'm the only sane one here."  
  


 


	7. Spock has feelings... so many feelings

Six hours of deep meditation should have been more than sufficient to enable Spock to regain his equilibrium. He had confirmed that the drug was no longer present in his system after administering his own tests and reluctantly subjecting himself to an examination by the CMO. He had considered it logical to allow McCoy to run his unnecessary tests in order to avoid further speculation amongst the crew. The ship was already rife with distasteful gossip regarding the Captain’s recent misadventures and Spock had no wish to add to it.

McCoy himself was far too insightful for Spock’s preference. In a rather obvious departure from his usual habit of delivering gruff lectures or attempting to initiate an argument he had remained quietly professional throughout the brief examination and observed Spock with disconcertingly perceptive eyes. Thankfully he had not attempted to articulate his opinions and merely informed Spock he was cleared for duty. 

Spock had not encountered any of the senior crew members since their release. Indeed he suspected they were deliberately avoiding him. Although he privately considered that Commander Scott was unlikely to be embarrassed by anything unless it involved damage to the ship, Sulu and Chekov would certainly be mortified by their drug-induced actions and would seek to avoid him for the foreseeable future. Nyota’s reaction was more unpredictable as she was fully capable of maintaining a professional mask to disguise any humiliation. He expected that she would not seek out his company until she was ready to seek a safe opportunity to vent her emotions. Spock trusted that by then he would have overcome the lingering urge to remove her from _his_ Captain’s ship. 

And there lay the challenge to Spock’s continued serenity...

The breakdown of the drug within his system and the insights gathered during his hours at meditation had only confirmed his previous fears. Whether or not he had been truly immune to the effects of the ‘love potion’ the fact remained that it had not induced any new emotions or desires. It had merely awakened powerful emotions regarding Jim which he had long suppressed and refused to acknowledge. 

The consequence was that Spock was unable to accept as true his previous belief that his feelings were purely platonic. His reaction to the attempts to seduce his Captain was merely a symptom of the possessive nature of his desire to claim his mate. A desire which continued to rage within him.

During his rather confusing (and extremely short lived) intimate relationship with Nyota, Spock had attempted to research the highly puzzling aspects of human interaction which eluded him. The human authored E-books and personal Blogs he had perused all praised the high value of being aware of and an (in Spock’s opinion, illogical) necessity for publicly expressing inner feelings.

Spock could not comfort himself that he was without emotion, having experienced the turmoil his race suffered after the destruction of Vulcan and his own personal loss. But he had expected that he would eventually regain serenity and calm. He had not made allowances for the effect one James Tiberius Kirk would have on him.

Having recently gained insight into his own deepest feelings and desires Spock could only reflect that humans must have a strong masochistic tendency to pursue such a state willingly. His experiences with the alien love potion had left him unable to regain his prior self-deception that he held a merely platonic regard for Jim.

Spock was confident that his aggressive reaction to his crewmates’ drugged pursuit of his Captain would fade in the face of their undoubted embarrassment. He calculated an 83.6% probability that the urge to inflict bodily harm on them would dissipate over the next 2.3 days.

He was less sanguine about the likelihood of overcoming the unprofessional urges he was experiencing towards his Captain. Over the past 6.8 hours he had catalogued 38 separate 'fantasies' regarding himself and the Captain. His attempt to intellectually rationalise and thus overcome these desires had not been entirely successful. Perhaps detailing each fantasy intricately and categorising them by a rapidly increasing list of criteria such as possible locations, positions and physical reactions on his or Jim’s part was not the optimal method of removing his obsession. 

As he was unable to remove these unwanted longings he would have to concentrate on preventing anyone (and especially Jim) from discerning them. He would maintain the outward fiction that he was emotionless. Repeated bouts of meditation and continued avoidance of personal contact with the Captain until his return to duty should enable him to shore up his shields and bolster his outward serenity.

Spock was congratulating himself on the wisdom of his proposed course of action even as the door to his quarters opened unexpectedly and his Captain walked in…


	8. Spock has his feelings under control... No, really, he does.

_“Mr Spock.”_

“Captain.”

Spock concluded there was little to be gained in trying to fathom why his Captain should appear surprised to have found Spock within his own cabin. Human behaviour was after all inherently illogical. He simply raised an eyebrow in query and awaited explanations. It was unusual to see Jim apparently lost for words but he would doubtless come to the point of his visit eventually.  Spock was rather bemused though, when Jim proceeded to pace the cabin. 

Spock was pleased to note that his serenity was unchallenged by Jim’s presence. Indeed it was pleasant to look upon his Captain without the complication of the roiling emotions which had previously plagued him. He allowed his gaze to travel the length of his captain’s form as Jim continued to pace restlessly. Spock was distantly aware of Jim’s voice as he detailed Doctor McCoy’s recent contact with the planet regarding the properties and uses of the ‘love potion’.  

Frowning, Spock made a mental note to have a pointed discussion with Jim’s Yeoman regarding the care of his uniform. Considering Jim’s unfortunate propensity for damaging his clothing it would surely be logical for Yeoman Rand to take greater care than normal with his remaining clothing. However, the shirt and pants Jim was currently wearing had obviously been shrunk during the cleaning process and now clung to certain areas in a manner which was clearly inappropriate attire for a Starfleet Captain. 

Less disciplined crew members were liable to become distracted by the way the soft fabric stretched taut over the sleekly muscled body barely concealed within. It would almost be possible to map out each muscle group visually. Spock’s concentration on his mental recall of the muscles within the human anatomy was such that his breath caught occasionally as he anticipated Jim’s next movements. He was caught unaware when the pacing abruptly stopped and Jim stepped towards him.

“Spock… _Spock_?”

Reluctantly abandoning his contemplation of Jim’s well-defined thigh muscles, Spock slowly lifted his head to meet his captain’s amused eyes. 

“Have you even heard a word I’ve said?”

Wishing to avoid too-perceptive blue eyes Spock shifted his gaze to Jim’s lips. He was forced to bite back a moan as his mind was suddenly flooded with images of possible uses for that clever, mobile mouth. Possibly he had overestimated his ability to sublimate his desires. Spock ignored the blush rising to his cheeks and calmly reminded Jim of the superiority of Vulcan hearing.

“That’s not _really_ an answer now is it?” 

The softly spoken question tugged at the heat building inside Spock. He was unable to respond, unable to frame a single thought unrelated to Jim’s lips and the almost painful urge to satisfy his curiosity as to their texture and taste. The instinctive need to touch, claim and possess was almost beyond his power to resist. He remained mute as Jim moved closer until there were bare inches between them. Spock inclined his head, swaying slightly forwards, all his senses focused on his captain. 

Those tempting lips curved teasingly and Jim’s husky whisper broke the silence. “You seem a little _distracted_ Mr Spock. Is there something I could do to help?” 

Spock could think of at least _38_ things Jim could do to assist him in his current predicament…  

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this for ksvalentine on livejournal in 2011.  
> I was interrupted by illness and family drama but am FINALLY getting around to finishing it up and posting. I aim to have all chapters up by Valentines Day - Better two years late then never?


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